Today was her funeral. Savannah Clark. She killed herself Sunday night. It is now Friday evening. No one could believe it when they found out. I had no idea who she was, but now I know quite a lot about her. Actually, I probably dont even know 5 percent of her life and who she was. From what I have read and found out from other people, she was an amazing Jesus-loving woman. She always had the biggest smile on her face and never let it fade. She made such an impact on so many peoples lives and she will never be forgotten.
I dont undrestand why she did it. I dont think anyone fully comprehends why she did it. She had so many friends and seemed to always be so happy. The key word being SEEMED. I had a friend call me and just cry over her death. I feel like I can't say "It'll be ok", because whenever someone now says 'Savannah Clark', suicide or dead will pop into your head, and thats not ok. Well at least for me its not. I cant say "Im sorry" because what am I sorry for? Sorry that Savannah took a gun to her neck. Yes im sorry she had to resort to that, but sorry means "Im not gonna do it again" but she cant do anything anymore. I am sorry that she couldnt run to one of the many people that cared for her so much. But still, I dont know. I feel bad now for saying that.
The one thing that baffles me the most, is the fact that she loved God. She lived her life for Him everyday and showed Him in everything she did. Im not trying to critize her at all, please dont think I am, but I just really dont understand. I dont think I ever will. Yet again, Im being a hypercrite. I cant say I have never wondered what would have happened if killed myself, and I cant say that I havent ever wanted to do it. Like really sat down and contemplated it. Wondered what people would say, or how people would look at my empty desk in school. I still think about it sometimes and if my mom ever found out about that, I would be dead. I know that about a billion people and I wished that Savannah could have talked to someone. I wish I could have met her, I really really do and it sucks SO much that now I'll never get the chace. Wait, thats a lie. Ill be able to sit up in heaven one day and listen to her beautiful singing voice. I will cherish the day I get to meet Savannah Clark. I think she is up there on one of the people I would most like to meet. I hope I dont ever forget her. I doubt I will be able to.
